I've given up on having a well-behaved classroom

“The task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confound good with immobility and evil with activity. The essence of independence is to be able to do something for one's self. Our work is not to teach, but to help the absorbent mind in its work of development.” Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind.

I've spent most of my teaching career deeply concerned with having a well-behaved class. I have wanted any adult who walks through, whether a teacher or administrator, to feel impressed. "What a well-behaved class" is one of the highest compliments teachers can get.

But as I've grown and continue to reflect on my teaching practices, I am realizing that all these years, I've been focusing on my students' behavior instead of focusing on the thing that matters and the thing that is entirely within my control: my behavior. I spent years trying to ensure children maintained their best behavior when I should have focused my energy on my behavior. I thought the children's behavior reflected how good I was at my job, but I'm learning that my reactions to their behavior reflect how good I am at my job.

Reflection is the essence of the spiritual preparation of the adult, which is a cornerstone of Montessori education. When discussing spiritual preparation, it can feel too woo-woo to prioritize, but it matters. Our spiritual preparation affects every aspect of our classroom practices, especially reflecting on how we react to challenging behaviors and hard days.

I hear questions from many educators about how to diminish certain behaviors in the classroom. Teaching is hard work, and specific behaviors can challenge educators. Have you ever tried to present a lesson on reading while a child runs through the classroom and another child is screaming at the top of their lungs? Of course, teachers want to prioritize diminishing certain behaviors! But before we jump to solutions for challenging behaviors, let's pause to reflect on how we are reacting to these behaviors. Why do some behaviors feel more difficult for us? Are we responding out of concern for how others view our classroom management strategies? I often reflect on this question about my parenting. Am I making a decision in my parenting because I'm worried about what other people think?

A spiritually prepared adult is a confident adult. Are we taking certain unwanted behaviors personally because it might make us look like we don't know how to run a tight ship? I've felt like this before.

Here is my new speech for adults who spend time in my classroom: it may be peaceful and quiet or a loud, hot mess. Either way, we're here, learning together in this community.